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Is He in Love with You — or in Lust with You?

Love and lust are inextricably intertwined. Lust is ground zero for hormones — it’s nature’s way of bringing the opposite sexes together to mate. In fact, without lust, it’s doubtful that love between a man and a woman would have a chance to prosper at all.

The driving force of the sexual imperative bridges the gap between the almost incompatible brain styles of the two sexes. So lust can be seen as one end of a broad continuum, which may or may not culminate in romantic love.

And love is the most ennobling of human emotions — transcendental, exalted and capable of engendering emotional states that can make the male of the species “want to be a better man.” Men fight wars over lust, but they make homes and families for love.

In Love with Lust

For men, lust is a heady experience; the brain goes on hold and red-hot surges of testosterone run the show. Lust — like love — is truly blind. This is why, especially at the beginning of a relationship, it can be hard to tell whether you’re in lust or love; whether she may be the one, or merely a passing fancy who’ll have your blood boiling for only a short while.

This is because men are perfectly capable of engaging in sex before they forge emotional bonds with a woman — and those raging hormones can easily disguise themselves as feelings of love.

The real danger is that both lust and love can rob a man of his natural strength and defenses — and then it’s all too easy to hand his male power over to a woman for sex-ploitation.

Lust is especially dangerous because it causes a man to think with his crotch and throw all reason and logic to the wind. When a man’s in lust he doesn’t care if he and his partner have anything in common. He’s not interested in where she comes from or where she’s going. His brain is only focused on using his key to unlock the door to the secret cave. If his partner’s only in lust, she’ll use this against him; but if they’re both falling in love, this sexuality is a bond.

Is It Lust, or What?

So how can you tell the difference between lust and love? Here are a few tips to help you sort things out. It’s lust if:

You’re totally focused on her looks and body

Even before you know her name, you’re already fantasizing about what she looks like naked and what it would be like to have sex with her.

You don’t care about anything she has to say

You make excuses not to spend time with her, except for sex. And if she asks you for a favor, you tell her you’re too busy. But if you have to be with her and not have sex, she gets on your nerves and you find yourself fantasizing about other women.

You only want to be with her to have sex

It wouldn’t make a difference to you if you never had a conversation with her. Furthermore, you don’t bother to return her calls promptly and you can easily go for days without talking to her — until you get horny again.

She’s your booty call

After you go out trolling for tail with your buddies on Friday night, you then call her at 1am for some drunken action. Ah, the booty call.

You leave after sex

After having sex with her, you look for the easiest way to leave. No cuddling, no breakfast the next morning, just “I gotta go.”

It’s Love, Baby

It’s love if:

You have great chemistry

You get lost in your conversations, and the hours pass like minutes. You’re more than willing to listen to her when she talks about her day. The chemistry between you is remarkable.

You find her beautiful

Even if you catch her with no makeup on and her hair pulled back while she’s unclogging a toilet, she still looks beautiful to you.

You want to spend time with her

All you want to do is to be with her, whether you’re having sex or not. Even if she tells you that sex will have to wait, you don’t care.

You see a future together

You experience the strange feeling that your life would be totally empty without her. You tell your friends and family that she may be the one, and you’re even thinking about marrying her.

You introduce her to your family

It becomes very important to you that your parents like her, and that she gets along with everyone close to you.

You include her in all your plans

Whether you’re going out with your male friends or taking your dog for a walk, you want her there with you. And if she’s not there, you can’t get her off your mind and sneak off to give her a quick “I miss you” phone call. Of course, you don’t tell your buddies.

You are more romantic

All of a sudden you find yourself listening to cheesy romantic songs and thinking of her. You send her flowers and love notes to work and set up romantic evenings and candlelit dinners at home.

You always take her side

If someone says anything even slightly disparaging about her, you immediately rise to her defense. Furthermore, in social gatherings, you always agree with her even if you disagree behind closed doors.

She makes you want to be a better man

She challenges and motivates you. She makes you happy, and you’d do anything to make her happy.

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Lust is short-term fun; love is the long haul. Even though the two sometimes masquerade as each other, you should be able to tell the difference. The real trick is in deciding what you want, and that’s up to you.

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